Teddy Told Me To (2023)
It’s always fun to see movies that break the mold a little bit, and Teddy Told Me To is a brand new slasher movie on Amazon Prime that features YouTubers in cameos. Even though I’m not a slasher fan by any stretch of the imagination, I was still curious, especially once I heard Justin Scarred has a cameo.
The plot follows James and Zoe, a young couple who buy a haunted house mostly for the fun of it, but also because of James’ desire to run the best haunted house ever. They put an enthusiastic crew together of various ages and sizes and move everyone into various corners of the place to do their schtick. James thinks it’s going to be an awesome way to make a lot of money in a short amount of time. Zoe is a little harder to convince. But once she takes it all in, she’s all in.
Naturally, this haunted house is more than a way to make a quick buck. It’s got a backstory. A rather bloody backstory. And it’s not over yet.
I enjoyed the first part of Teddy. It’s got some funny bits and looks really good for an indie movie—the cinematography is polished, albeit with some obvious limitations, but that’s to be expected. The sound and continuity were pretty much flawless, and it was fun seeing Justin Scarred in the opening scene.
The acting, apart from a few slices of ham, isn’t bad and the camraderie on the set was obvious. Everyone was clearly having fun, there’s a lot of goofiness and giggling, and the horror is more kitsch than scary. The haunted house looks like a legit local haunted house, and it brought back memories of when I used to live in Fremont, California and visit the Ghost House, only Danny and Zoe’s is a lot more hard-core.
Speaking of hard-core, the last third or so of Teddy is obviously for slasher fans. The rest of us, not so much. There are disembowelments and faces sliced off or nearly so, although one face belongs to a teddy bear. And of course, we hear all the squishy, splattery sounds that come with carnage. Ugh. Granted, it’s fake, but still..
Also icky was the nudity, partly because there’s no reason for it to be there. It’s gratuitous and awkward, particularly during one sex scene in which a guy and his paramour do it in a tent. It’s almost laughably uncomfortable because the the acting is completely flat and woman keeps popping into and out of the tent window as if she’s in a Whack-a-Mole game.
Like I said, I’m not a slasher fan in the slightest, but I tried to stick it out because I wanted to see Justin Scarred and I was hoping they’d bring him back as a ghost or something (Spoiler alert: They don’t) Overall, though, I feel unavoidably mixed. I don’t think I’d watch Teddy Told Me To again, even if it does have a few fun moments. Not even to see Justin Scarred. On the other hand, though, it can be pretty darned good for a low-budget indie.
Teddy Told Me To is available to rent or buy on Amazon Prime. Not rated.
My grade: C-
Principal Cast: Felissa Rose, C.J, Grahame, Lisa Wilcox, Warrington Gillette, Tabitha Stevens, Tabitha Stevens, Topher Hansson, Kamarra Cole, Justin Willets
Directed by Tom Devin.
Written by Vincent Cusimano and Lola Devin,