What To Expect When You're Expecting (2012)
It’s staggering how many movies have been based on self-help books, and 2012’s What To Expect When You’re Expecting is definitely one of the most unexpected. As in, there’s no good reason for this film to exist.
I read the book when I was pregnant with my son. My sister-in-law read the book when she was pregnant with my oldest niece. According to Amazon, ninety-three percent of women who read a pregnancy book have read What To Expect When You’re Expecting.
So how in the world do we get a movie out of it? By trying hard. Really, really hard.
The movie follows five very different couples on five very different pregnancy journeys. Jules (Cameron Diaz) and Evan (Matthew Morrison) get pregnant while competing on Celebrity Dance Factor, and Jules throws up in the glass trophy. Wendy (Elizabeth Banks) and Gary (Ben Falcone) get pregnant during Movie Night at the park (They sneak into some really tall bushes). Gary’s dad, Ramsey (Dennis Quaid) and his young wife, Skylar (Brooklyn Decker) are pregnant with twins. Rival food truck owners Rosie (Anna Kendrick) and Marco (Chace Crawford) get hot and heavy after a big night serving hungry moviegoers at the park. Finally, baby photographer Holly (Jennifer Lopez) and husband Alex (Rodrigo Santoro) are looking to adopt a baby from Ethiopia.
Sandwiched into all of this drama is a group of dads who seem to do nothing but stride around the park with their kids in baby carriers and strollers, swapping fairly detailed labor and delivery stories while exchanging parenting tips. They’re led by Vic (Chris Rock) who’s a fount of wisdom and experience. He doesn’t mince words.
These gentlemen occasionally pause in their rambles to pay fealty to Davis (Joe Manganiello) the hunky man about town who can do pull-ups with one arm while talking on the phone. The Stroller Mafia watches him longingly while enticing Davis to walk with them and remind them what cool used to feel like.
Not that there’s anything wrong with being an involved dad, but guys don’t talk like these fellas. They just don’t.
From start to finish this thing is an unfortunate mess of TMI mixed with cliches, underwritten comedy and badly drawn characters, but it begs to be liked because parenthood is worth all the hardship.
And there’s no letup, particularly on poor Wendy, who owns a pregnancy shop and opens the movie reading a kid’s book about breastfeeding to a group of uncomfortable children and their moms. She has the hardest time of anyone during her pregnancy, with swollen ankles, incontinence, and flatulence (the last two in front of an audience at a baby expo, no less), all while watching mother-in-law Skylar prance around in four-inch heels looking absolutely perfect.
Wendy’s shop employee, Janice (Rebel Wilson) watches Skylar leave Wendy’s shop one day and remarks longingly, “She’s like a magical pregnancy unicorn.”
Apart from Vic’s declarations to the Stroller Mafia, Janice is one of the few voices of reason in the movie. She seems to be at the baby expo for the express purpose of covering for Janice when things get unfortunate, and she’s very on-the-nose about it: “Okay, maybe it’s time to stop there.”
The movie’s strongest scenes are in the hospital and when Holly and Alex go to Ethiopia, because then it stops trying to be cute and just focuses on why these characters wanted children in the first place: More to love.
And what of that famous book that ninety-three percent of pregnant women have read? It’s in the movie. Wendy’s shop sells it. There are ten copies of it prominently featured over her shoulder in one scene. The characters, Evan for one, sneak peeks at it. Skylar has it spread in front of her while she’s sitting prettily on a balance ball timing her contractions. And Wendy launches her copy at Gary the night they go to the hospital to deliver. Are there any read-aloud sessions? Does anyone even mention the book’s name? Heck, no and no.
Still, the product placement is a little too neat and tidy, feeling like it comes in just under “Shameless Plug” territory while firmly ensconced in sheepish pregnant belly navel-gazing. Expecting wouldn’t exist without the book, but it doesn’t exist much with it, either. I guess that’s what happens when movies draw from books that can’t really be drawn from.
What To Expect When You’re Expecting is like that one relative we always hide from at family gatherings. Goodhearted but endlessly, wincingly awkward, and in the end, oddly endearing.
What To Expect When You’re Expecting is available to stream on HBO Max and to buy or rent on iTunes, AppleTV, Amazon, Vudu, and Google. Rated PG-13.
My grade: D+
Principal cast: Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Banks, Anna Kendrick, Dennis Quaid, Chace Crawford, Ben Falcone, Rebel Wilson, Chris Rock, Joe Manganiello