Deep Water (2026)
Idiocy abounds.
Groan. Some movies just try one’s patience, and Deep Water is one of those. On one hand, it’s a sorta-realistic depiction of what happens when a plane crashes in shark-infested waters, almost too much so, but on the other hand, there are so many dumb choices and cliches that it’s hard not to facepalm every five seconds.
It doesn’t help that the movie is a joint production between America and China, which means there are boxes to be checked. At least the American characters aren’t drinking Chinese milk and going to Chinese banks in the middle of a major American city like some movies we can mention (insert Transformer sounds here).
Anyway, we come upon these characters preparing to fly out of LAX to Shanghai. The captain is Rich, played by Ben Kingsley, and his first officer is Ben, played by Aaron Eckhart. When we first see the former he’s in an almost-empty karaoke bar singing “Fly Me To the Moon” to a few of his coworkers, who applaud lightly.
All I could think about was how Ben Kingsley has played Gandhi, Otto Frank, the Man In the Yellow Suit, and dozens of other fairly well-respected parts, so what’s he doing in a movie like this? Collecting a paycheck, of course.
Ben, in the meantime, is busy reassuring his worried wife and family that he’s on his way home. His little boy has cancer and isn’t doing well, so he’s impatient to get back. Completely understandable.
We’re not supposed to be too concerned about any of that, though, because there’s a passenger who’s going to make trouble for everyone. His name is Dan, not that it matters, because the stupidity starts with Dan and spreads to people who shouldn’t be stupid but somehow are.
So yeah, Dan is determined to smoke whenever he wants even though he’s not allowed to. He’s so desperate to hold onto his cigs that he uses them as earplugs when people are supposed to be sleeping during the flight. Yes, really.
But that’s not Dan’s chief sin. His phone needs charging, so he plugs it into a cable with exposed wires that throw sparks (are we kidding?) and leaves it his suitcase, after which he lies to TSA about having a charging brick in his luggage. TSA are just as dumb, because every time Dan’s luggage goes through a scanner the brick gets flagged by the machine, and each time the TSA agents miss it. Even the guys who are literally loading the luggage into the cargo hold miss it.
Naturally, Dan’s stuff catches fire, there’s an explosion, and the plane blows apart. He doesn’t seem to care though, as he’s too busy being a pain in the neck and blaming Ben for the plane going down. Even when the passengers and crew are sitting in life rafts in the middle of the ocean with sharks swimming around them, Dan is griping and whining about how he’s got to get home to see his kids. He also drops the plane’s electronic locator into the ocean and then tries to cover his hiney when Ben calls him out.
It’s not often that I wish for a character to become shark kibble, but boy howdy, I sure wanted to see Dan get chomped. Did I get my wish? I’m not going to tell.
Other than that, the movie is a parade of cliches. We’ve got the captain going down with the ship, we’ve got the rebellious preteen who’s put out that her dad has remarried, we’ve got the couple who decide to join the Mile High Club right before the trouble starts, we’ve got the computer nerd, and we’ve got the kindly grandmother who’s there to boost everyone’s morale until her number is up.
And since this is partially a Chinese film, the Chinese characters are the ones who get to save the day and talk sense into everyone else.
The only parts of these movies that elicit sympathy are the disaster scenes, because the movie does a good job of making us feel for the characters as much as we can under the circumstances, seeing as they’re all types, and it helps that Ben Kingsley and Aaron Eckhart give it their all.
It’s not bad until we realize that Dan is still alive and literally kicking. Ben has to punch him out a few times and it’s completely deserved. Yeah, I’m awful, but Deep Water is what it is: A popcorn movie to be forgotten the next day.
Deep Water is currently in theaters. Rated R.
My grade: D+
Principal Cast: Aaron Eckhart, Ben Kingsley, Angus Sampson, Lucy Barrett, Richard Crouchley, Molly Belle Wright, Wenham Li, Rosie Zhao, Simei Zhao, Nashi, Lakota Johnson, Mark Hadlow, Rarmian Newton, Madeleine West, Rob Kipa-Williams, Kelly Gale, Ryan Bown, Kate Fitzpatrick
Directed by Renny Harlin.
Written by Pete Bridges, Shayne Armstrong, and S.P. Krause.