Batwoman (1968)
Batman and Robin is obviously and deservedly considered one of the worst movies ever made, certainly one of the worst Batman movies ever made, but it just might have a little competition. It’s quiet competition, but still competition.
I’m talking about 1968’s Batwoman. This is Batgirl, er, Batwoman, as most of us, at least in America, have never seen her, and maybe with good reason. No, her name isn’t Barbara Gordon. It’s Gloria, actually. She’s not Commissioner Gordon’s daughter, and she certainly doesn’t work in a library. She doesn’t even live in Gotham City. Batwoman does have a utility belt, although it seems to be for decoration only. Tiny bikinis don’t really lend themselves to giant utility belts anyway.
Yeah. This Batwoman wears a bikini most of the time. She saves her full costume for when she wrestles and it looks like she stole it from Adam West’s closet.
OK, it feels as if I’m making all of this up but I’m really not. Not even close. Originally titled La Mujer Murcielago, this Mexican movie is quite the curiosity and, as Chris Stuckmann has famously said, an hilariocity.
The plot of Batwoman is simply this: Wrestlers are turning up dead on the beach, and they all have one thing in common—samples of their spinal fluid have been taken from them sometime before or after they died.
Local law enforcement are baffled, but a guy named Tony, who I guess is a detective, suggests they bring in Batwoman to solve the case. It’s a sure thing because she never fails at anything.
It doesn’t take much for Batwoman to crack the mystery, because there’s a guy on a yacht in the harbor, Dr. Eric Miller, who’s already mysterious and won’t see anyone. Batwoman sneaks onto his yacht and finds out he’s had this bright idea of creating a half-wrestler, half-amphibian creature for no apparent reason except for funsies. He’s even got an assistant named Igor who eagerly calls him “Master.” The scheme works, but Mer-Man’s got quite the temper.
When Batwoman disrupts their plans too much, Dr. Miller decides Mer-Man needs a wife. He sends his henchmen after Batwoman, and it’s probably not too much of a spoiler to say that it doesn’t end well for them.
The natural thing with this movie is to expect it to more overtly rip off the Batman TV show. Whenever Batwoman gets into a fight I kept expecting “POW” and “THWAP” to pop up (in Spanish, of course). It doesn’t happen but it should, because there was so much potential for sixties camp. There’s even a scene on the beach when Gloria hangs out with some people dancing in their swimwear a la Every Surfer Movie Ever.
Problem is, the movie is boring, sluggish and predictable. The scenery is the best part, especially the beach scenes.
None of this really helps the film, though. I think I even fell asleep toward the end, and it was kind of a shame, because some parts of the movie beg to be laughed at. Igor, for instance, lays on the “Yes, Master,” stuff so thickly he could be a drinking game (By the way, don’t, because anyone who tries it will be completely plastered in five minutes).
The acting in this movie is so broadly over the top as well. It’s nothing but ADR all the way through and it sounded like it was recorded just recently because it’s a little too slick, not to mention I don’t think the word, “awesome” was in wide use in the late sixties. Just a thought. Anyway, it reads like a video game, and it would be hilarious if the lines weren’t so pedestrian. It’s about on the level of Manos: The Hands of Fate only slightly more literate.
Batwoman might not be as crazily bad as Batman and Robin but it’s still laughingly bad, and an unsung installment in the “Bat” universe. Apparently the movie was a childhood favorite of Guillermo del Toro, though, so there’s that.
Batwoman is currently available to stream on Tubi. Not rated.
My grade: C- (but it gets an A for kitsch)
Principal Cast: Maura Monti, Roberto Canedo, Hector Godoy, David Silva, Crox Alvarado, Arnado Silvestra
Directed by Rene Cardona
Written by Alfredo Salazar, Bob Kane (creator), Bill Finger (creator)