Ever read the O. Henry story, The Ransom of Red Chief? If not, it’s about two con men, Sam and Bill, who kidnap a ten-year old named Johnny, the son of a prominent citizen of the fictional town of Summit, Alabama, with the idea of collecting a tidy ransom. Problem is, Johnny’s a real terror.
The story can be found here. I won’t ruin anything.
Abigail is built along the same lines as Red Chief, only much bloodier and underworldly.
A group of would-be mercenaries kidnap Abigail, the twelve-year-old ballerina daughter of some rich personage, intending to hold her for ransom. They take her to an isolated mansion, where they are greeted by a guy named Lambert, who tells them they’re not allowed to know each other’s real names or backstories, but if they can last the night, there’s seven million dollars for each of them. The fridge is fully stocked, as is the bar. He names each member of the group after a different Rat Pack member and disappears.
It doesn’t take long before rules are broken and the characters start learning about each other. It also doesn’t take long before they realize Abigail is not only a ballerina, but a vampire. After that, all bets are off, and the group has to figure out how they’re going to escape from the house, which is suddenly shut tight as a drum, and it’s anyone’s guess who’s left standing at the end.
Abigail does best when it’s poking fun at the vampire genre, referencing Anne Rice and Twilight but ultimately sticking to the Bram Stoker brand of undead. Mostly, anyway. Other than that, it’s just a matter of these characters, again, getting knocked off one by one, and like the vast majority of post-modern vampires, Abigail isn’t deterred in the least by the old standbys of garlic, crucifixes, and stakes through the heart.
Then again, these characters aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed. Before long it gets pretty easy to guess who’s going to go next based on whatever bad decision they’ve made. Or they’re just lame. There’s even a scene when one of them, Sammy, is supposed to fetch garlic from the kitchen and comes back with a bag of onions. Yeah. She doesn’t know what garlic looks like.
Anyway, Abigail doesn’t take too kindly to sedatives, and this is one of the places where the film stumbles: Whenever the character of Joey gives Abigail a sedative she feels Abigail’s pulse. This should have been their first clue that something was up, because in what universe does a vampire have a pulse?
The movie starts out strong but goes haywire in the third act, as it relies on the characters walking around by themselves in the usual dark house fashion, and that’s after other characters have died horribly while poking around the house. Alliances are made and broken to the point that it’s not clear who’s on what side. There are numerous cliches and twists, which I won’t ruin. There’s a ton of blood and gore, of course, because vampire movie. It also relies on several false endings, more than one of which tease possible new, involved storylines that don’t go anywhere. After the first couple it got annoying.
Horror movie fans are going to love Abigail. The premise is sound and mostly executed properly, there are some funny bits and the casting is excellent. Dan Stevens in particular is unrecognizable from his turn in Godzilla x Kong.
Me, I’m still not a huge fan of horror movies, although I like a good story. As far as Abigail is concerned, I felt slightly dazed and came out thinking, “What the heck?” like the character who somehow survives the carnage. Only she doesn’t say it that way. While the third act was kind of rough, I was never bored.
Abigail is currently in theaters. Rated R.
My grade: B-
Principal Cast: Melissa Berrera, Dan Stevens, Alisha Weir, William Catlett, Kathryn Newton, Kevin Durand, Angus Cloud, Giancarlo Esposito, Matthew Goode
Directed by Matt Bertinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett.
Written by Stephen Shields and Guy Busick.