YouTubers are making movies now. That’s becoming a thing and I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m not sad about it. Whether or not these movies are any good is an entirely different matter.

Backrooms definitely raises the bar. It’s not perfect, and it’s not on the level of Citizen Kane or Psycho, but it’s pretty darned amazing. The creator and director, Kane Parsons, is only twenty-one, and is one of many who explore Backrooms lore on YouTube, only his take was and is the most popular.

The less said about the plot, the better, because surprise is essential. Basically, what happens is this: It’s 1990, and Clark is recently divorced and sleeping in one of the beds at his furniture store. He’s going to therapy to make sense of why his relationship went so bad, and his therapist, Mary, patiently takes him through role-playing exercises to try and bring some clarity.

One night Clark finds a secret room behind a wall in his basement. Well, it’s more than just a secret room—it goes on and on and on, all with the same yellow carpeting and various random stuff that he can’t explain. It’s almost like a video game. Clark not only maps it out, but enlists his assistant manager, Kat, and her boyfriend, Bobby, to come explore this strange new place with him and film it.

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Once again, I won’t get too specific. Things happen. Mary comes looking for her client. More things happen. It gets weird. And then it gets weirder.

The genius of Backrooms is that it’s built around limited sets and limited color schemes. That’s great for the budget, and if done right, great for atmosphere and psyschological baiting and switching. All one has to do is change the camera’s point of view, change the lighting, add or take away random stuff, and voila! A new scene. The characters are disoriented. We’re disoriented. The characters are freaked out. We’re intrigued and engaged.

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What’s also genius is that Backrooms is not only built around those endless video game-ish scenes, but the concept of liminal spaces is explored in the field of psychology. Keep that concept in mind and Backrooms makes all kinds of sense.

That said, Backrooms is best when it keeps moving. As long as we’re exploring those endless liminal spaces and wondering what’s around the next corner, we don’t need much else. Sure, we can take breathers now and then, but the longer we stay still, the more familiar the environment looks and the more predictable our surroundings get.

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Especially when people start talking. Then Backrooms becomes just another horror movie and we’re all waiting for jumpscares and the proverbial Final Girl.

Fortunately it doesn’t stay that way. Backrooms could use a little tweak here and there, but it’s seriously impressive, especially coming from such a young filmmaker.

Backrooms is currently in theaters. Rated R.

My grade: A-

Principal Cast: Chiwetel Ejiofor, Renate Reinsve, Mark Duplass, Finn Bennett, Lukita Maxwell, Avan Jogia, Robert Brobroczkyi, Ember Ambrose, Krista Kosonen, Philip Granger, Katharine Isabelle, Peter New, Sarah Hayward, Natalie Moon, Calix Fraser, Sawyer Fraser, Patrick Baynham, Rhiannon Roberts

Directed by Kane Parsons.

Written by Will Soodik and Kane Parsons.

It’s Nora Ephron’s swan song.

Julia and Julia follows the stories of Julia Child when she was co-writing the first volume of Mastering the Art of French Cooking with Louisette Bertholde and Simone Beck and Julie Powell as she was blogging about cooking through Mastering the Art of French Cooking.

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Van life seems so idyllic, right? Freedom, the open road, fewer responsibilities. But it has its downsides, too. The lack of a bathroom is one. In the case of Passenger, van life can be deadly.

Ugh. And yay. This movie is so firmly in so-bad-it’s good territory. Buckle up, people, because I’m going to spoil the heck out of it.

It all opens with two guys, Daniel and Lucas, who are on a road trip, and while they’re pulled off to the side of the road so Lucas can make a pit stop, something yanks Daniel out of the car and kills him. Lucas is freaked out, of course, and drives away at breakneck speed, but he keeps seeing a mysterious figure on the side of the road that ends up getting a little too close for comfort.

Meanwhile, Maddie and Ty decide to shed their New York City lifestyle and take to the roads in their souped-up van. They’re going to put their adventures on YouTube, of course. And they’re prepared. Maddie’s got a GPS tracker and Ty has a St. Christopher medal, which he hangs from the rear view mirror.

Six weeks into their road trip, Ty is blissfully happy and Maddie is a little tired of the road, although they’re having fun. Ty even proposes to Maddie one night when they’re parked by the side of the road, which she rapturously accepts.

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In spite of it all, though, Maddie begins to have misgivings about van life. On the way to Gatlinburg, they find Lucas, who’s careening down the road as if the devil is after him. Maddie and Ty call the police to come help the guy, and then they find three mysterious scratches on the side of the van. Then at a Van Life meetup Maddie meets Diana, who tells her that she’s got to learn to read the signs. Don’t drive at night. If they have to drive at night, don’t stop.

Weird stuff starts happening, of course. Ty and Maddie meet this mysterious figure who’s somehow everywhere and it’s obviously demonic. It does have a weakness, though. Maddie pushes the St. Christopher medal on the thing when it tries to strangle her and burns its skin.

Diana tells them that the thing is definitely a demon, and it latched onto them when they stopped to help Lucas. The only way to shake it off is to follow the signs to a St. Christopher church out in the middle of nowhere.

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Ty and Maddie take this to heart. So much so that after a few more unfortunate encounters with this demon they raid a truck stop and buy out the stock of St. Christopher medals. The demon gets too close for comfort, though, and the medals all get sucked out of the van, but there still might be hope for these two.

Passenger is a very Catholic movie, or at least a very St. Christopher-focused movie. I’m not a Catholic, but some things still didn’t hit right. There’s all this emphasis on St. Christopher but not a priest or religious in sight. And if that St. Christopher medal worked so well against The Passenger at first, why didn’t THIRTY stop him in his tracks? Oh no, they just get sucked out of the van like dust bunnies into a vacuum cleaner.

Maybe the medals should have been blessed first? I don’t know. Like I said, I’m not Catholic.

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And why do Ty and Maddie have to find an abandoned church out in the middle of absolutely nowhere? St. Christopher statues can’t be that uncommon in Catholic churches.

Anyway, the weak spots in Passenger are legion. So are the jumpscares. I counted twenty of them just in the first thirty minutes of the movie alone. Everything that happens in this movie has to be a jumpscare, even the Neighborhood Watch guy tapping on the side of the van.

And the timeline is a little funny, too. The movie opens with Daniel and Lucas meeting the demon, then we see Maddy and Ty go on their road trip, and they don’t meet up with Lucas until six weeks later. So the poor guy’s been careening down the road for six weeks? And he’s never run out of gas? Good grief.

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What’s strange is that I sort of enjoyed this movie. Yeah, it’s predictable, weak and haphazard, but a lot of the mistakes are actually funny, and the movie deserves major points for coming out right at the beginning of road trip season.

St. Christopher, pray for us.

Passenger is currently in theaters. Rated R.

My grade: D

Principal Cast: Jacob Scipio, Lou Llobell, Melissa Leo, Joseph Lopez, Miles Fowler, Alan Trong, Devielle Johnson, James William Clark, Tony Doupe, Charles Leggett, June Clemons, Bonni Dichone, William Lin-Yee, Joey Freitas, Michael Hilow, Norman Lesperance, Brett Bredrosian, Jessica Cruz

Directed by Andre Ovredal.

Written by Zachary Donahue and T.W. Burgess.

We’ve all seen those trailers that turn out to be better than their movies. It’s just inevitable sometimes, and In the Grey is unfortunately one of those. While the trailer makes the movie look witty, quirky, and fun, the actual movie is barely a movie. The most movie-like things about it are that it runs for about two hours and had a multimillion dollar budget.

As for the rest of it? It’s a heavy-handed exercise in why writers are supposed to show instead of tell.

Rachel is a lawyer who helps clean up for her clients. She’s kind of a superhero that way. If they’ve got a public relations problem, she eliminates the problem. If they’ve made shady business dealings with unsavory people, she’s there to recover any debts and clear names. She’s crafty, cunning, and sneaky.

In this case, Rachel is looking to recover a stolen billion-dollar fortune for a prestigious banking firm. The culprit is a ruthless kingpin named Manny Salazar, and why this guy would want to steal money is a mystery, seeing as he’s filthy rich in his own right and even has his own private island, but thieves are gonna be thieves, apparently.

Rachel may be good at the negotiation part of things, but since she deals with dangerous people, she has two special agents named Sid and Bronco who take care of any obstacles. Sid and Bronco are as witty as they are ruthless, but they’re good guys and Rachel trusts them implicitly.

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While all of this might sound like the makings of a great action movie, it’s a misfire in every way. It has some good dialogue in spots and the acting is all right for what it is, but the good stuff is only in spots.

Groan.

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a plot this clumsy, and not because In the Grey didn’t have a good premise. Actually, the premise wasn’t great, either. We’ve seen the Taking Out the Evil Kingpin trope countless times before on TV, in movies, and any other story-carrying medium.

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Which brings me to what made In the Grey so clumsy: So. Much. Exposition. For roughly the first half of the movie, everything has to be narrated, everything has to be described in minute detail, every move the characters make is spelled out, including all the characters’ various eccentricites and foibles. All of it. Soup to nuts. And not just audibly. The movie helpfully slaps labels on important objects as if we’ve never seen a hand grenade or a catamaran before.

I’m sorry, but were Ritchie and Company trying to make a radio show? Maybe they should have.

As for the second half of the movie, it feels like a video game. The characters careen down a dirt path in a dune buggy to their boat waiting offshore while the baddies follow them and they have to pull out the trusty rocket lancher or rifle and shoot back. This path is blocked? Go down another one. Stuck at an impassable ravine? Use the handy dandy zipline to careen down to where another dune buggy is conveniently stashed in a camouflaged hiding spot and continue on one’s merry way.

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Funny how even the contingencies and wrong turns are planned down to the second. No one is ever that prepared, people.

I’m sorry, but were Ritchie and Company trying to make a video game? Maybe they should have. I’m surprised no one is able to pull a dune buggy or any other random objects out of their shirt and plop them down as if it’s no big deal.

Witty dialogue does not a movie save if the rest of the movie doesn’t carry its own weight. If I had it to do over again, I’d stick to watching In the Grey’s trailer or wait for it to come to streaming.

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In the Grey is currently in theaters. Rated R.

My grade: F

Principal Cast: Henry Caville, Jake Gylenhaal, Eiza Gonzalez, Carlos Bardem, Michael Vu, Fisher Stevens, Rosamund Pike, Mohammed Al Turki, Kojo Attah, Jason Wong, Emmett J. Scanlan, Christian Ochoa Lavernia, Karlos Klaumannsmoler, Kristopher Hivju, Gonzalo Bouza, Silvia Naval, Marcus Glimne, Darrell D’Sylva

Written and Directed by Guy Ritchie.

I’ve come full circle, it seems. Four years ago, one of my first reviews for Taking Up More Room was of Top Gun: Maverick, and now the original Top Gun is forty years old. I got to see both of these movies in one day. Not in order, though—Maverick came first, follwed by the OG Top Gun.

Pete Mitchell was going to get the Benjamin Button treatment. Kind of.

It felt a bit odd and a little bittersweet to see these movies back to back, knowing how much has changed in forty years, and it’s not just the updated tech and lack of payphones. Tony Scott is gone. Val Kilmer is gone. James Tolkan is gone. Meg Ryan is no longer the romcom darling she was on her way to becoming in 1986. Charlie’s house has been moved to a new location and is soon to open as a gelato shop. Tom Cruise is still the cocky fella he was in 1986, albeit older, sadder, and not always wiser. The first movie was made during the Cold War, when we had clearly defined enemies and uncomfortably real stakes.

The respective rhythms of the two movies are evident when they’re seen back to back as well. OG Top Gun, its need for speed notwithstanding, has a lot of quiet moments in the midst of the adrenaline shots. Pete and Goose spend more time on the ground than in the air. Whereas in Maverick, time is of the essence. Both of these movies are great sendups of the Navy, especially the first one, which opens to F-14s landing and taking off from a carrier vessel for a good five minutes without a movie star in sight. It was the Navy’s time to shine.

What I didn’t expect was how much seemed fresh. I’ve seen Top Gun numerous times. Watching it on the big screen, though, I noticed the punchy rhythm that will alway set the original apart from its sequel. I also saw the great onscreen chemistry between Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer—they seemed to get these little flickers in their eyes whenever they were together.

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And good grief, those guys sweat a lot in the first movie. To be fair, these were probably World War Two-era buildings that they were filming in, but the Navy could have added some AC by the eighties. It’s not outside the realm of possibility.

I also didn’t expect to see so many hidden callbacks in Maverick. Not necessarily Easter eggs, but callbacks. Maverick judges Charlie for just a random pickup and then gets a shock when he finds out she’s his instructor. Maverick’s Top Gun squad judges him as the old guy at the bar who can’t hack it anymore until he shows up as their instructor and puts them through their paces. There are team sports on the beach (volleyball in the original movie and football in Maverick). Goose is present in both movies in one way or another, as both Maverick and Rooster are still dealing with their respective traumas.

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The mentor relationship between Maverick and Iceman was very much present as well. I didn’t expect it to be so forceful in the original movie, but Iceman is never shy about telling Maverick where he can improve, even going so far as to ask Maverick whose side he’s on when he plays too many power games with his fellow pilots. In the second movie, these two men have accepted each other as equals, but Ice still spurs Maverick on to do what he doesn’t think he’s capable of.

It all felt that much weightier knowing that, again, Val Kilmer is now gone. Maverick punching his wing insignia into Iceman’s coffin is sadly ironic.

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One thing that hasn’t changed in forty years is the sheer exhileration of the Top Gun franchise. We like seeing these pilots pushing the envelope both in the cockpit and out of it, and we like even better seeing what kinds of people they are when they’re not flying. We like seeing Tom Cruise stare down the competition. I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon.

As Robert Browning once said, “A man’s reach must exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?”

It’s a safe bet that we will always feel the need for speed.

Top Gun and Top Gun: Maverick are available in select theaters and on Paramount Plus. Rated PG-13 (Maverick) and PG (Top Gun).

My grade: A+ (for both)

Principal Cast (Top Gun): Tom Cruise, Tim Robbins, Kelly McGillis, Val Kilmer, Anthony Edwards, Tom Skerritt, Michael Ironside, John Stockwell, Barry Tubb, Rick Rossovich, Clarence Gilyard Jr., Whip Hubley, James Tolkan, Meg Ryan, Adrian Pasdar, Randall Brady, Duke Stroud, Brian Sheehan

Principal Cast (Top Gun: Maverick): Tom Cruise, Jennifer Connelly, Miles Teller, Val Kilmer, Bashir Salhuddin, Jon Hamm, Charles Parnell, Monica Barbaro, Lewis Pullman, Jay Ellis, Danny Ramirez, Glen Powell, Jack Schumacher, Manny Jacinto, Kara Wang, Greg “Tarzan” Davis, Jay Picking, Raymond Lee

Directed by Tony Scott (Top Gun) and Joseph Kosinski (Maverick)

Written by Ehren Kruger, Eric Warren Singer, and Christopher McQuarrie (Maverick)

George Hardy leads a contented life living in a trailer by his field and taking care of his flock of sheep, who he spends evenings reading mystery novels to. The townspeople all wonder about him though, as he writes to someone named Rebecca in America, he doesn’t come to church except to drop a wad of bills in the collection plate, and he kicked fellow shepherd Caleb out of his trailer instead of agreeing to merge Caleb’s flock with his.

It’s not that the townspeople don’t like George (well, some of them don’t), but they just don’t know what to make of him.

When George turns up dead outside of his trailer, Officer Tim Derry, the town’s one local policeman, tries to dismiss it as a heart attack. George’s sheep know better. For that matter, Elliot Matthews, a visiting journalist, knows better too.

Long story short, George’s sheep take it upon themselves to solve the mystery and find George’s murderer, and in order to make that happen, they’ll have to get creative. Fortunately, one of the sheep, Lily, knows George’s mystery novels backwards and forwards and knows she can figure out whodunnit. Well, she hopes so, anyway.

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Into the fray comes Rebecca, who turns out to be George’s daughter, and Lydia, George’s lawyer, because of course the will must be read, and since George didn’t have a lot of family, certain townspeople figure into the will. Or at least it appears so. It’s amazing what people do when there’s a chance of a large windfall.

OK, straight up, this is an adorable movie. It’s charming, it’s clever, and it’s fun. I was hoping it would be funnier, but it was still entertaining and refreshingly winsome. Hugh Jackman as George is warm and caring towards his flock and genuinely invested in improving himself and building community.

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The sheep are also so stinkin’ cute. They all have distinct personalities and the actors really disappear into their roles. I was actually surprised to find out that Patrick Stewart plays Sir Ritchfield, one of the older sheep who’s afflicted with some undefined malady called “orf,” which is apparently the sheep version of halitosis. Is it real? I don’t know, but the name sure sounds funny.

I also liked that the film doesn’t descend into bathroom humor, which is one of my least favorite things in comedy or family films. However, it does indulge in har-dee-har-har punniness. A butcher named Ham? Hurr durr, how clever. :-)

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The film’s only slight misstep is Nicholas Galatzine as Elliot Matthews, whose accent is as muddy as a peat bog and whose facial expressions are limited at best. It’s going to be interesting seeing this guy play He-Man in a few weeks. I hope it doesn’t suck.

I could say more about The Sheep Detectives, but I don’t want to give any spoilers. Suffice it to say, as I have before, that a genuinely entertaining movie is a heady experience and one we need more of. If the Sheep Detectives ever decide to go on another caper, I’m totally there.

The Sheep Detectives is currently in theaters. Rated PG

My grade: A

Principal Cast: Hugh Jackman, Brett Goldstein, Patrick Stewart, Regina Hall, Bella Ramsey, Chris O’Dowd, Rhys Darby, Bryan Cranston, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Aroop Shergill, Jasper Ambrose, Ishi Agrawal, Tommy Birchall, Tosin Cole, Conleth Hill, Hong Chau, Nicholas Braun, Kobna Holdbrook-Smith, Nicholas Galatzine, Molly Gordon, Emma Thompson

Directed by Kyle Balda.

Written by Craig Maiza and Leonie Swann.

Episode Ten, “Songs For Raisa” is now up. We know how everything else that happened or didn’t happen over the course of the season resolves. Or not.

I didn’t hate Rooster, even if a lot of the episodes were a lot of not much, but we’ll get to that. It just might be a while before I do another episode recap series, but we’ll get to that, too.

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Singin’ In the Rain, of course, is one of the quintessential films of cinema history, and one of the amazing things about this 1952 movie is how well-known it is without being cliched. I think it’s because each time we see it we love it all over again. At least that’s how I see it. The film is not only a prime example of pure cinema, but it’s created its own ethos.

For those who haven’t seen it (and what are you waiting for?), it’s about an actor named Don Lockwood and the movies’ sudden transition from silent to sound. Don’s frequent co-star, Lena Lamont, has the most awful screechy voice and after a disastrous filming of their first sound film and an even more disastrous preview, Don has to figure out how he can save his career. I won’t tell how that happens, although it’s not much of a secret after almost seventy-five years.

The film’s music is mostly cobbled together from Arthur Freed and Nacio Herb Brown’s song catalogue from the twenties and thirties. Most were used in other movies, but the title number was originally sung on Broadway in 1928 by Doris Eaton Travis. The 1952 movie wasn’t the first time the song was heard on film and it wasn’t the last (read about “Singin’ In the Rain”’s many iterations here).

One of Singin’s few exceptions to the old songs was “Make ‘Em Laugh,” which is Freed and Brown’s note-by-note dead-on hack of Cole Porter’s “Be A Clown.” The connection was so obvious that everyone who heard the song had something to say about it (Irving Berlin was one example), but Brown and Freed took the classic “Nothing to see here” approach.

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It’s a wonder Freed and Brown weren’t sued for copyright infringement, but maybe people liked Donald O’Connor’s performance so much that they didn’t get too mad about it.

I’m not ashamed to say that I’m one of them. I remember trying to imitate Donald O’Connor walking in a circle on the floor when I was about eight, and the finale of the song never fails to make me laugh. And no, I’m not going to ruin that, either, because the surprise is the best part.

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For all it’s such a magical and fun movie, Singin’ In the Rain has perpetuated its own myth; namely, silent screen stars’ careers going belly-up because of their horrible voices, thick accents, or speech impediments, and MGM in later years didn’t do much to dispel that idea (ahem, That’s Entertainment).

The reality, of course, is vastly different. A lot of silent screen stars, such as Donald Crisp, Fredric March, and Joan Crawford, transitioned to sound just fine. Others found that their careers were played out. Still others, such as Florence Vidor, didn’t like making sound films and stepped away from the industry. There were plenty of reasons silent stars didn’t transition to talkies, but talking funny usually wasn’t one of them.

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Even though its portrayal has some basis in fact, such as the film’s usage of recording equipment from the early talkie era, Singin’ In the Rain is primarily a satire and an homage and it’s interesting that people take that aspect of the movie so seriously. I guess it’s human nature.

That’s not all of us, obviously. Personally, I prefer to focus on the witty dialogue, the brilliant production values, and Gene Kelly dancing down the street in the rain. Singin’ In the Rain is one of those movies that doesn’t fail to impress, even seventy-five years on.

Singin’ In the Rain is currently streaming on HBO Max. Not rated.

My grade: A+

Principal Cast: Gene Kelly, Donald O’Connor, Debbie Reynolds, Jean Hagen, Millard Mitchell, Cyd Charisse, Douglas Fowley, Rita Moreno, Dorothy Abbott, Dawn Addams

Directed by Stanley Donen and Gene Kelly.

Written by Betty Comden and Adolph Green.

Groan. Some movies just try one’s patience, and Deep Water is one of those. On one hand, it’s a sorta-realistic depiction of what happens when a plane crashes in shark-infested waters, almost too much so, but on the other hand, there are so many dumb choices and cliches that it’s hard not to facepalm every five seconds.

It doesn’t help that the movie is a joint production between America and China, which means there are boxes to be checked. At least the American characters aren’t drinking Chinese milk and going to Chinese banks in the middle of a major American city like some movies we can mention (insert Transformer sounds here).

Anyway, we come upon these characters preparing to fly out of LAX to Shanghai. The captain is Rich, played by Ben Kingsley, and his first officer is Ben, played by Aaron Eckhart. When we first see the former he’s in an almost-empty karaoke bar singing “Fly Me To the Moon” to a few of his coworkers, who applaud lightly.

All I could think about was how Ben Kingsley has played Gandhi, Otto Frank, the Man In the Yellow Suit, and dozens of other fairly well-respected parts, so what’s he doing in a movie like this? Collecting a paycheck, of course.

Ben, in the meantime, is busy reassuring his worried wife and family that he’s on his way home. His little boy has cancer and isn’t doing well, so he’s impatient to get back. Completely understandable.

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We’re not supposed to be too concerned about any of that, though, because there’s a passenger who’s going to make trouble for everyone. His name is Dan, not that it matters, because the stupidity starts with Dan and spreads to people who shouldn’t be stupid but somehow are.

So yeah, Dan is determined to smoke whenever he wants even though he’s not allowed to. He’s so desperate to hold onto his cigs that he uses them as earplugs when people are supposed to be sleeping during the flight. Yes, really.

But that’s not Dan’s chief sin. His phone needs charging, so he plugs it into a cable with exposed wires that throw sparks (are we kidding?) and leaves it his suitcase, after which he lies to TSA about having a charging brick in his luggage. TSA are just as dumb, because every time Dan’s luggage goes through a scanner the brick gets flagged by the machine, and each time the TSA agents miss it. Even the guys who are literally loading the luggage into the cargo hold miss it.

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Naturally, Dan’s stuff catches fire, there’s an explosion, and the plane blows apart. He doesn’t seem to care though, as he’s too busy being a pain in the neck and blaming Ben for the plane going down. Even when the passengers and crew are sitting in life rafts in the middle of the ocean with sharks swimming around them, Dan is griping and whining about how he’s got to get home to see his kids. He also drops the plane’s electronic locator into the ocean and then tries to cover his hiney when Ben calls him out.

It’s not often that I wish for a character to become shark kibble, but boy howdy, I sure wanted to see Dan get chomped. Did I get my wish? I’m not going to tell.

Other than that, the movie is a parade of cliches. We’ve got the captain going down with the ship, we’ve got the rebellious preteen who’s put out that her dad has remarried, we’ve got the couple who decide to join the Mile High Club right before the trouble starts, we’ve got the computer nerd, and we’ve got the kindly grandmother who’s there to boost everyone’s morale until her number is up.

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And since this is partially a Chinese film, the Chinese characters are the ones who get to save the day and talk sense into everyone else.

The only parts of these movies that elicit sympathy are the disaster scenes, because the movie does a good job of making us feel for the characters as much as we can under the circumstances, seeing as they’re all types, and it helps that Ben Kingsley and Aaron Eckhart give it their all.

It’s not bad until we realize that Dan is still alive and literally kicking. Ben has to punch him out a few times and it’s completely deserved. Yeah, I’m awful, but Deep Water is what it is: A popcorn movie to be forgotten the next day.

Deep Water is currently in theaters. Rated R.

My grade: F

Principal Cast: Aaron Eckhart, Ben Kingsley, Angus Sampson, Lucy Barrett, Richard Crouchley, Molly Belle Wright, Wenham Li, Rosie Zhao, Simei Zhao, Nashi, Lakota Johnson, Mark Hadlow, Rarmian Newton, Madeleine West, Rob Kipa-Williams, Kelly Gale, Ryan Bown, Kate Fitzpatrick

Directed by Renny Harlin.

Written by Pete Bridges, Shayne Armstrong, and S.P. Krause.

The end is in sight. Both of Rooster’s first season and of Greg’s semester as a college professor, and everyone’s getting the feels. This should have been where things start to build to something, but no, it still feels flat, which is why I’ve been dragging my feet even more about publishing the recap. While some of the characters are likeable, I keep finding fewer and fewer reasons to be invested in the show. But we’ll get to that.

In the meantime, we get to witness Greg’s final days as a professor at Ludlow.

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The long-awaited Devil Wears Prada 2 is as cute as the original film, albeit an older and wiser kind of cute, with the requisite awkwardness thrown in.

I won’t lie; I had a good time with this movie, even if it does make a few flubs along the way.

Andy Sachs is still a journalist working in New York City, and while she’s accepting a prestigious award, she and all of her colleagues at the awards dinner get text messages saying they’ve been fired from their publication. Almost as soon, though, Andy gets a call from Irv at Elias-Clarke hiring her as features editor at Runway at twice her previous salary.

When Andy arrives at her former-former employer, she finds that a lot has changed. The magazine has gone digital, Miranda seems weirdly subdued, and the office has an overall kinder and gentler feeling. They can’t afford not to, as a hit piece was just published about Runway claiming that promoting fast fashion means that they’re for child labor.

Oh, and there’s all this pressure on Andy to get more eyes on the magazine’s website, so Andy has to bring in some super-prestigious piece that will get everyone talking. So she wrangles a meeting with Sasha Barnes, a socialite who’s recently divorced and set up in wealth pretty nicely.

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There’s also Fashion Week in Milan and another attempted coup by corporate cougars. I won’t say who, because that wouldn’t be any fun.

Emily’s around as well, except that she now works for Dior. She’s also dating this guy, Benji, who’s irritating as all get-out but has very deep pockets. He’s even got a tab at Tiffany and thinks nothing of buying Emily a large, shiny necklace when they’re in Milan.

For a sequel, 2 is pretty enjoyable and it’s got some bite to it. I appreciate that they don’t recycle much of the schtick from the original movie, although they do mention it. Miranda putting her own coat away is a big one; Andy mentions that Miranda used to chuck it at people when she sees Miranda struggling. Poor second assistant Chuck, though, is still chained to the desk and still has to wait for the book even though Runway is mostly digital.

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I appreciate the questions the movie poses about the state of modern journalism, and for that matter, publishing in general. How to get clicks and taps? How to go viral? How to keep from being yesterday’s news in a world where yesterday’s news no longer lines bird cages? These are questions every writer and journalist, self-published or otherwise, has to wrestle with, not to mention AI hangs over everything like a bird of ill-omen.

Anyone ever had AI scrape their blog for content and style? I have. It apparently came from Virginia. My site data will never be the same, but I digress.

Prada 2 does make a few missteps. The writing doesn’t have the same kind of rhythm or bite as its predecessor, which makes it all feel as if something is missing. And there’s a twist at an odd spot right at the beginning of Act Two that would have been better during Act One. I won’t ruin it, but it changes the whole trajectory of the story and feels very much out of left field. Andy and Miranda’s boyfriends, Peter and Irv, respectively, are also just kinda there, and what’s really sad is that Irv is played by the illustrious Kenneth Branaugh.

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Seriously. Mr. Branaugh, you’re better than this, but I guess it’s a paycheck.

Also, it’s strange that Andy’s the features editor but she’s expected to write and there’s all this pressure riding on her to produce pieces that grab people. Features editors normally don’t do this; their main job is to help other people write and produce. Maybe the aim was to put Andy in a position of having a direct line to Miranda without a supervisor getting in the way, but from an industry standpoint, it looks as if the filmmakers didn’t do their homework. Oh well, that’s Hollywood.

Like I said, I enjoyed Prada 2. It’s a worthy continuation of the franchise and it’s got substance, which isn’t often seen in sequels, and that’s by no means a bad thing.

The Devil Wears Prada 2 is currently in theaters. Rated

My grade: B+

Principal Cast: Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, Stanley Tucci, Kenneth Branaugh, Justin Theroux, Lucy Liu, Tracie Thoms, Tibor Feldman, B.J. Novak, Patrick Brammall, Simone Ashley, Caleb Hearon, Helen J. Shen, Rachel Bloom, Larry Mitchell, George C. Wolfe, Daniel Liu

Directed by David Frankel.

Written by Aline Brosh McKenna and Laura Weisberger.

After last year’s KPop Demon Hunters, it would seem that Netflix is hitting its stride in the animation department, right? Their new movie, Swapped, brought to us by the same folks who made the adorable Tangled, should be another winner.

Only it isn’t. There are worse movies out there, of course, but Swapped is definitely a piece of work.

The story follows a Pookoo named Ollie, who looks like a mix of an otter, a beaver, and a hedgehog. He’s incredibly curious and daring, which gets him into trouble even if he doesn’t mean to.

Ollie and his family live on an island and things should be good for them, but they’re running out of food and Ollie feels responsible because he’s such a klutz. The problem is that these birds named Javan fly over the island stripping it of all its food, which means the Javans and the Pookoos are sworn enemies. No one is allowed to leave the island to look for more food because supposedly there’s a dangerous pod that turns creatures into different creatures. At least, that’s what Grandma says.

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Naturally, Ollie is curious and determined to find one of these mysterious pods. and when he finally does, the pod changes him into a Javan. He also runs into a Javan named Ivy who he met briefly years ago, and long story short, Ivy turns into a Pookoo. This leads to some interesting fish-out-of-water dynamics, not to mention they have to figure out how to change back into their proper forms.

I know I’m not the first one to say this, but I’ll repeat in anyway: Swapped is Freaky Friday but with animals. Kind of. It would be cute and colorful if the sum total wasn’t an exercise in throwing things at the wall to see what sticks.

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There are lots of “buts” going on here. The visuals were bright and colorful and almost too perfect, but the story didn’t grab me. The acting was OK, but the pacing was so listless that I actually fell asleep halfway through the movie and had to watch it over again. There’s what should have been a sneaky little twist but it feels awkward and unearned. There was what could and should have been some high emotional stakes, but what’s around those stakes is so confusing that by the time the end came I felt a bit blah. There are nice messages about friendship and teamwork, but the characters are so thin that they get lost in the flotsam.

The main problem is that Swapped doesn’t seem to know if it wants to be sci-fi, a fantasy, or a simple tale of friendship, and it tries to do all three. It doesn’t work.

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I’m sorry, but is it some kind of law that Netflix originals have to be flat and unmemorable? I liked Tangled, so I was hoping Swapped would be a little bit fun at least.

Well, it is sort of fun, but it’s the kind of fun we’ve seen done in other movies and done much better. While the kids might like it, the rest of us will probably watch with one eye on our phones or maybe a good book.

Swapped is currently streaming on Netflix. Rated PG

My grade: D+

Principal Cast: Michael B. Jordan, Juno Temple, Justina Machado, Tracy Morgan, Nate Torrence, Camden Brooks, Tata Vega, Ambika Mod, Lolly Andefope, John Ratzenberger, Keri Wahlgren, Fred Tatasciore, Zemo Tatasciore, David Lodge, Johnny Williams, Maven Morgan, Nathan Greno, Tim Mertens, Cedric the Entertainer

Directed by Nathan Greno.

Written by Jonathan Whittington, Christian Magalhaes, and Robert Snow.

Episode Eight and eight days until Greg’s employment ends at Ludlow, and on my end, I’ve gone from apathy to mild enjoyment in terms of this series, still tempered by a heavy dash of ambivalence.

And just like in the last episode, there are a lot of nice moments in Episode Eight, “Nobody Spook It.”

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Few entertainers are as mythically notorious as Michael Jackson. There’s no denying that. Like Elvis, Frank Sinatra, the Beatles, and Judy Garland in some ways, Jackson is one of those broke-the-mold people who had charisma out the wazoo. There was also a lot of weird stuff said about him, which I won’t go into. I remember kids at school making fun of MJ, too, mostly about his nose.

Me, I’ve always been kind of neutral. I never bought any of MJ’s albums. I didn’t see the need for it, since I heard the music all the time, and I liked a lot of it (“Jam” is one of my favorites). Plus, Jackson always had this larger-than-life existence. Wouldn’t it be great, for instance, to live on a ranch with literal amusement park rides, a movie theater and zoo animals? It’s the dream.

The seemingly fun existence hid a very complex set of issues, though, and eventually gave way to a complex legacy. Michael promises a peek behind the curtain. How much of a peek? Erm, not much, but it’s not without its bright spots.

Its main plumbline seems to be MJ’s relationship with his father, or at least that’s what I think it is. While we see some of the abuse, including a couple of times when Joseph beats Michael, it’s all kept very surface-y.

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Most of the time we bounce from one year to another in quick succession. What we see of MJ’s relationship with Joseph is often limited to Joseph’s obsession with dollar signs and lurking backstage like a bird of prey. The man didn’t even want to wait for his son to properly recover from those horrible burns. Meanwhile, he looks with jealousy and longing when Michael has a close relationship with Barry Gordy, and Bill, his bodyguard.

It’s also a little weird is that younger sister Janet is nowhere to be found. I looked for her all through the movie, but nope. As it turns out, she declined to participate while giving the project her blessing.

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Naturally, the movie draws its real strength from the dance sequences. Jaafar Jackson is incredible. Dude owns those moves. He also seems like a sweet guy and he’s got a kind face.

Speaking of which, MJ is also portrayed as a genuinely kind person. He brings toys to sick children, and even when he’s in the hospital himself recovering from the burns, he still goes around visiting with other patients in the burn unit. Other than that, the film goes out of its way to downplay MJ’s eccentricities.

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The other thing is that Jackson doesn’t project the same kind of intensity as his uncle. Instead, he often appears bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, sometimes impossibly so, but to be fair, it’s not Jackson’s fault because he’s not given much to work with, plus there’s the not-so-small matter of filling some very big shoes.

Some talents are difficult if not impossible to capture, although we can sure try. Michael tries very, very hard.

Michael is currently in theaters. Rated

My grade: C

Principal Cast: Jaafar Jackson, Nia Long, Colman Domingo, Juliano Valdi, Miles Teller, Jayden Harville, Jaylen Lyndon Hunter, Judah Edwards, Nathanael Logan McIntyre, Amanda Mendoza, Liv Symone, Laura Harrier, Larenz Tate, John Rabe, Keilyn Durrel Jones, Sophia Villegas, Kendrick Sampson, Michael Andrew Baker, Zach Kenney

Directed by Antoine Fuqua.

Written by John Logan.

Wow. Four years. It’s a cliche, but it seems like just yesterday that I started up this Substack page and posted my first articles. It’s also a cliche to say that a lot has happened over the past four years.

Speaking of those early articles, here are those first few postings. Not the first-first one, but some of the early stuff, nonetheless:

One thing that has definitely changed over the last four years is that I try to pick movies I at least have a shot at liking. When I started, I picked anything and everything just to have something to write about. Now, I think I know a bit more about what I might be seeing and I’m pickier about where my money goes.

Don’t get me wrong; this isn’t meant to be taken in Chris Stuckmann “I Have To Talk About This…” kind of way because I want to make excuses for Hollywood. If I get a bad review out of a movie, I get a bad review out of a movie. It’s not hard, of course. When I watch a Dracula movie and sit there hoping the gargoyles will sing like the Jonas Brothers, it’s clear I’ve probably gotten a little more jaded.

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And bad reviews can be fun to write because they’re definitely cathartic (Ahem, With Love, Meghan. Ahem, Freelance).

One of the best parts of this whole Substack experience, of course, is getting to interact with all of you, and in addition to Notes and comments, I’ve gotten to do a few podcasts. It’s funny, but I’m not as freaked out by them as I used to be. I never thought I’d say that, but there we go.

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In fact, this whole experience is an exercise in uncertainty. I don’t know what’s going to happen with Hollywood and Taking Up More Room in the next year, and while the current financial situation feels a bit precarious, I’m curious and more optimistic than morose. Pop culture is so nebulous that even if the worst happens and the Hollywood establishment completely implodes, movie lovers will still find a way to indulge.

That the average person can now make movies on their smartphone is proof that movies as a craft have somewhere to go, and that’s a very hopeful thing.

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It’s another cliche, but this wouldn’t be the same without all of you along for the ride. If you read, subscribed, commented, and liked my posts over the past year, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m very grateful for your support and hope we can keep doing this for years to come.

Here’s to a great four years!

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Three more episodes after this one. Can’t you just feel my excitement?

Actually, yeah, no, you probably can’t, at least not from my end. That “Are we there yet?” feeling I had last week has only gotten bigger because it feels like these characters are just existing until the next big thing happens. Kinda like life. Heh. That this post is going up so late is proof that I feel a little bit burned out.

The funny thing is, though, Episode Seven isn’t all that bad, but we’ll get to that.

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When I got to my local movie theater to see Lorne, I made a beeline for concessions, and after briefly considering a box of chicken tenders, grabbed a spring water, cookie dough bites, and a small buttered popcorn.

Turns out, this was a good choice, because Lorne Michaels eats a lot of popcorn. He’s got a popcorn machine in his office, he freely hands popcorn out to guests and colleagues, and it’s rare for him to not be seen munching his favorite snack. He must have the cleanest intestinal tract in show business.

Morgan Neville’s new documentary, Lorne, spends a lot of time on Lorne Michael’s popcorn love. As far as getting close to the man himself, to paraphrase a certain famous Lord of the Rings quote, “One does not simply make a documentary about Lorne Michaels.”

Lorne isn’t a documentary so much as an attempt to pin down a guy who’s equally a creature of habit and an enigma. Like Orson Welles but way less intense. Or Howard Hughes but way less eccentric. Or Andy Warhol but with popcorn and Italian food instead of Campbell’s Soup.

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And Lorne is very much a creature of habit. He goes to the same restaurants all the time, where most of the time he orders the same food. He starts his day (at noon, by the way) by working out at his friend Paul Simon’s apartment across the hall. He’s worked in the same office for forty years. He’s had the same aquarium for forty years, and the same guy has been cleaning that aquarium for forty years.

Yeah, this is a guy who’s not big on change, or at least he’s trying to keep his head and work spaces as uncluttered as possible by extra decisions while he does a tremendous amount of juggling.

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Do we get to know Lorne Michaels better? Yes and no. We learn a little bit about his background and what he did before SNL, but by and large we spend most of our time on Saturday Night Live itself, with the film taking us through a week of production. It’ll mean most to the fans. The rest of us will still be able to get it, but only because the show is so culturally relevant.

Personally, I fall somewhere in the middle because I don’t watch SNL but I’m familiar with the various performers. I only wish the film spent more time on the initial seasons and why it made such an impression. That doesn’t really happen, and the film doesn’t go into what keeps the show relevant, either.

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That’s not to say Lorne isn’t fun. It is. Just check expectations at the door, take it as it comes, and enjoy hanging out with one of the most respected producers in show business. It’s a wild ride, that’s for sure. so buckle up.

And don’t forget the popcorn.

Lorne. is currently in theaters. Rated R.

My grade: B

Principal Cast: Lorne Michaels, George Carlin, Chevy Chase, James Downey, Ayo Edebiri, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Farley, Tina Fey, Phil Hartman, Colin Jost, Steve Martin, Seth Meyers, John Mulaney, Mike Myers, Conan O’Brien, Hart Pomerantz, Gilda Radner, Rob Reiner

Directed by Morgan Neville.

Written by Morgan Neville, Alan Lowe, and Jacob Hostetter.

Confession time: I’m looking forward to seeing The Devil Wears Prada 2 in a few weeks. I never thought a movie like The Devil Wears Prada would warrant a sequel, but leave it to Hollywood to milk everything to within an inch of its life.

That said, the new movie looks pretty good, and I thought it would be fun to go back and look at the original movie, which, by the way, turns twenty years old this year. Good grief,

So. If anyone isn’t familiar with the premise of The Devil Wears Prada, it follows college grad Andy Sachs, who’s trying to make it as a journalist in New York City, and she gets a job as the assistant to Miranda Priestley, editor-in-chief of Runway Magazine.

Andy’s not at all interested in fashion and she doesn’t read Runway, but she knows that being Miranda’s assistant will open a lot of doors for her, and while this seems like a good plan in theory, Andy doesn’t anticipate Miranda being the most exacting boss on the planet. She gets calls from her all day and all night, ordering her to pick up Starbucks, book flights even during a hurricane, take her dog for walks, and even finish Miranda’s twins’ science project.

Meanwhile, Andy’s personal life hangs in the balance. She starts having trouble with her boyfriend, Nate, and her friends don’t know her anymore. Andy, obviously, has to decide what’s more important to her and go from there.

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I’m only slightly mixed about this movie. It has a lot of intelligence, and I certainly relate to it as a writer, plus the fashion is fabulous. Roger Ebert said that Anne Hathaway gives Audrey Hepburn vibes after her makeover and he was completely correct.

Meryl Streep as Miranda is extremely effective as usual. She talks in a deadly quiet voice for most of the movie, as if she’s about to murder anyone who crosses her, and communicates more in once-overs than in words. People had better do what she wants or know the reason why.

Streep had a fine line to walk because her character was slightly based on real-life Vogue editor Anna Wintour, and no one wanted to offend her. Incidentally, Wintour liked the movie, so the filmmakers’ worries were unfounded. Also, incidentally, Streep based her characterization more on Clint Eastwood than Anna Wintour, although the novel and movie’s depiction of Andy’s job is mostly accurate.

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I think one of my favorite characters, though, is Stanley Tucci as Nigel, because he’s probably the wittiest character in the entire movie. He’s also the most trapped, as he’s almost as much of a fixture at Runway as Miranda is.

Granted, some aspects of The Devil Wears Prada haven’t aged well, especially Miranda calling Andy “fat” even though she wears a size six. It’s supposed to be a joke, but it comes across as an implied endorsement of eating disorders.

Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep seem very conscious of that as well, which is why they requested that the models in the sequel not be bone thin.

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Nice work if you can get it, but I’ll believe it when I see it.

Things have changed a bit since 2006, but they haven’t changed that much. It’s going to be interesting going back to Runway Magazine.

The Devil Wears Prada is currently streaming on Hulu. Rated PG-13.

My grade: A-

Principal Cast: Anne Hathaway, Meryl Streep, Adrian Grenier, Emily Blunt, Stanley Tucci, Simon Baker, Tracie Thoms, Rich Sommar, Daniel Sunjata, David Marshall Grant, James Naughton, Tibor Feldman, Rebecca Mader, Jimena Hoyos, Giselle Bundchen, George C. Wolfe, John Rothman, Stephanie Sztostak

Directed by David Frankel.

Written by Aline Brosh McKenna and Lauren Weisberger.

Another week, another episode of Rooster. Woo hoo.

OK, Episode Six wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t that good, either. There’s a lot happening. It feels…well, we’ll get to that.

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I know I’m not alone in my hope that Hollywood will start making romcoms again. Simple, fun, light as a feather romcoms with well-placed wit and just enough will-they-won’t-they tension. It would be a nice change of pace from R-rated action movies and hamfisted politics.

Well, apparently Hollywood heard us, because now we’ve got You, Me & Tuscany, and it reads as if Under the Tuscan Sun and While You Were Sleeping had a head-on collision. It’s almost too lightweight, but very much needed.

It also made me want to cook, but we’ll get to that.

Anna is a professional house-sitter who dropped out of culinary school after her mom died and put her dreams of going to Italy and being a chef on hold. When her latest client comes back early and is horrified to find Anna wearing her clothes and walking her dog as if he’s her own, Anna is humiliated and feeling a little desperate. She can’t even buy a cheeseburger without maxing out her credit card.

Speaking of cheeseburgers, while ordering one at her friend Claire’s hotel, Anna meets Matteo Costa, a very intriguing Italian who shows her pictures of his villa in Tuscany and tells Anna she should go. She’s got the ticket her mom bought, and there’s nothing stopping her.

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Long story short, that’s exactly what Anna does, and upon finding out that every hotel in Matteo’s hometown of San Connessa is booked solid because of a summer festival, she ends up staying at Matteo’s villa. He sort of invited her after all, she thinks, and the place is undeniably luxe. Anna even finds a two-carat engagement ring in the junk drawer and tries it on.

That’s where her problems start, because now Matteo’s family thinks Anna and Matteo are engaged. Only a local cab driver, Lorenzo, knows otherwise.

Meanwhile, the family’s other son, the extremely handsome Michael, shows obvious feelings for Anna and vice versa, and things get even more complicated when Matteo comes home. It’s not much of a stretch to figure out where this all goes.

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You, Me, & Tuscany is super predictable, but it’s too busy having fun to dwell on how paint-by-numbers it is. I only wish some of the comedic elements had been played a little harder because they look promising at the outset, plus the characters could use a little more meat on them. The Costas, for instance, are almost too easygoing.

In the meantime, though, I was distracted by the food, which is presented beautifully throughout the movie. We’re talking glamor shots of pasta with tomatoes, basil, and Bocconcini, not to mention caprese, risotto, and what looks like almond cake and pasta aglio e olio. There are sandwiches everywhere, too. It’s all very sensory. When Anna toasts garlic cloves in olive oil, I could have sworn I smelled it.

I was jonesing for a stove by the end of the movie.

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That’s probably why the flimsier elements of Tuscany are so easy to ignore. We have a lot to like and it all goes down easy, plus Halle Bailey as Anna and Rege-Jean Page as Michael are so stinking cute together.

Hollywood, can we have more movies like You, Me & Tuscany? We need more real escapism, especially nowadays, please and thank you.

You, Me & Tuscany is currently in theaters. Rated PG-13.

My grade: B

Principal Cast: Halle Bailey, Rege-Jean Page, Lorenzo de Moor, Marco Calvani, Isabella Ferrari, Paolo Sassanelli, Stefania Casini, Stella Pecollo, Aziza Scott, Tommaso Cassissa, Nia Vardalos, Emanuele Pacca, Gaia Bellantone, Beatrice Skyler Rigel, Desiree Popper, Lallo Circosta, Giulia Agosta

Directed by Kat Coiro.

Written by Ryan Engle and Kristin Engle.